define('WP_CACHE', true); {"id":319,"date":"2014-04-11T03:00:02","date_gmt":"2014-04-11T11:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crossed-paths.com\/logs\/?p=319"},"modified":"2014-01-31T23:17:44","modified_gmt":"2014-02-01T07:17:44","slug":"chapter-52-memory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crossed-paths.com\/logs\/archives\/319","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 52: Memory"},"content":{"rendered":"

Chapter 52: Memory<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

In Which\u00c2\u00a0Some Memories Are Best Repressed.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazeth: The soup takes some time to prepare, though there’s a big enough batch that it can be reheated as leftovers. The healer mouse gives one last stir to the pot and then ladles some into a bowl for the ferret. Walking over to the bed, he’s surprised to see her eyes partially opened, jaw clenched tight. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Er, er, soup’s ready.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan wakes up as Joseph enters the room, and moves himself a bit away from the ferret so she can eat.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret allows the mouse and otter to prop her up against a pillow in a sitting position, but she feels too weak to hold the spoon steady, much less the bowl.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan moves back beside Jozra and grins slightly at her attempts to feed herself. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Need a hand?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The mouse looks curiously at the otter but doesn’t dare question whether or not the blind otter can do it. Joseph places the bowl in Soquan’s paw and watches intently to see how the otter manages it.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He takes the bowl from him and scoops some of the soup into the spoon and blows in it gently to cool it off and holds it out to her slightly, letting her come to the spoon so he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t spill all over her.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Joseph grins at the ingenuity, he likely would have never thought of that, being too used to having to literally pour nourishment down the throats of sick beasts. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If, if you need anything, give a, ah, a holler.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jozra simply concentrates on getting her mouth around the spoon and swallowing without choking.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Slowly, the bowl is emptied and he sets it aside. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There, all gone. Feel better with some food in your stomach?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret leans back and sighs almost contentedly. She nods shortly and croaks, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Her voice isn’t quite as raspy now, though it still sounds rough.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He nods, grinning slightly at her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good. Now rest up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Jozra nods again and stiffly hunkers down under the covers. Drowsily, she watches Joseph approach to take the bowl and spoon from Soquan and ask him if he’s hungry. She falls asleep before she can hear the otter’s answer though.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan nods at Joseph’s query. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, thank you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The mouse wanders back to the kitchen to wash out Jozra’s bowl and retrieve the plate he had prepared earlier for the otter. Jozra dozes for a while, neither quite awake nor entirely asleep and only vaguely aware of the mouse who has returned with food for Soquan.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: The otter accepts the dish and wolfs the meal down hungrily. In all his worrying for his friend, he had forgotten to eat.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Eventually the ferret finally does drift off to sleep. She doesn’t dream exactly.\u00c2\u00a0 More that her sub-consciousness finds a place it doesn’t like, a gaping hole where a memory has been locked away. It disturbs her terribly and she awakens with a jerk.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Having just finished his meal, he looks down at her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Joz? You okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret squeezes her eyes shut and tries to reply after a moment but it only comes out as a thin whimper.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He sets the plate aside, frowning. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jozra?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: It’s a strange duality, having the conscious part of herself only vaguely aware that there’s a memory she’s locked away and another part that knows exactly what it is and is screaming to let it out. Whatever it is, it scares her. Tears trickle down her cheeks as she tries to think of how to respond to the otter.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns and moves a bit closer, his ears fixed on the sounds coming from the ferret. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jozra? Hun? What’s wrong?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: She shakes her head slightly, not entirely sure herself. Whatever’s in that hole makes her feel sad, guilty, hopeless and utterly terrified. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d sniff, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153overwhelmed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He gives her a lopsided, hopefully comforting smile and hugs her gently, drawing her against him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Want to talk about it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret attempts a shrug, not entirely sure what to talk about even if she wanted to. She reaches up to wipe her eyes and finally notices how obviously black her paws are.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan, gives her back a pat. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So other than that, how’s my lovely, black-pawed ferret doing? Any pains?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The otter’s comment shakes Jozra out of her funk. She looks at him a little worried and a bit startled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who? How… I, I can’t go around like this.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She thinks quickly. If Soquan knows then that means that someone else must have told him. Two beasts at the very least.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He chuckles softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Easy there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Jozra shakes her head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It’s…\u00c2\u00a0 There’s beasts out there that’ll make a lot of trouble for me if they know I’m a black-footed ferret. I need to look like any other.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It’s true. As little as any beast outside of Oparanth knows of the secluded valley, a desert ferret in the more forested lands is highly unusual and in Jozra’s line of work it’s best to blend in.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He nods. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you’ve been using dyes? Water based if I’m not mistaken, since it came off in your bath.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Well, there’s obviously no hiding it from Soquan even if she wanted to. Maybe he can find a way to help. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. Actually they’re powdered but they dissolve in warm water.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She sighs, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I’m nearly out of the dyes too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He nods slightly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We can find you some before we leave town.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He leans back on the pillows, gently pulling her with him.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret nods, satisfied with the answer. In the comfortable silence, she lets her mind wander, wondering vaguely what time of day it is, watching the patch of sun from the window move across the floor, trying to decide if she’s still hungry or not…<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: After another long bit of silence, he pipes up, asking the ferret rather tentatively. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So, what’s it like? Is there really a Dark Forest?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret blinks, confused. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He asks again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What’s the Dark Forest like?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Consciously unaware that she nearly, that she did die, the ferret is puzzled as to why the otter is asking her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don’t understand.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What don’t you understand?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she stammers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why are you asking me? All I know is what I’ve been told.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well you did, technically die…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Jozra gapes at the otter, speechless. After a moment she chokes out, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I, no, I…\u00c2\u00a0 Did I?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She tries to think that the otter is exaggerating, but suddenly it feels as though she’s treading a very fine line with that horrible hole in her memory yawning on either side.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He nods slowly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He pauses. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You mean you don’t remember?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret shakes her head, determined that remembering would be a Bad Thing.\u00c2\u00a0 But she can’t hold back her curiosity. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What… What do you mean, ‘technically?’\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, you were only ‘dead’ for a few minutes, I don’t think it really counts as death unless you stay dead.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: That feeling Jozra had when she woke up earlier has returned. She stares at the otter in confusion and partially still hoping that he’s exaggerating. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The impression of walking down a path flutters into her mind.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want you to think about when you woke up earlier. What do you remember before that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Her brow furrows, taking earlier to mean the first time she had woken up in days. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I remember… The willows. Falling into the river and you pulling me out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Now she has to think. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You were carrying me, I think.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She blinks.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Was I given a bath? I remember warm water and… and the vixen that was in here earlier. And there was a path…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Her brow furrows further. That doesn’t make any sense.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns a bit more. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, you were given a bath to help your hypothermia. Think more about the path, okay? Do you remember any more about that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The ferret’s brain balks at the idea of following that path again but she’s as curious as the otter. She grins sheepishly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This might sound stupid but some part of me feels like I shouldn’t. I’ll try though…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay then.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: She thinks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There’s the path and… It doesn’t make any sense, because I don’t know how I got there. All I see is grass.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Frowning, she recalls the bend. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There’s a bend in the path and suddenly there’s forest ahead.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She takes a shuddering breath, even more unwilling to follow this thread of thought than before.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He rubs her back a bit. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go on.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Shaking her head at the thought in the back of her mind screaming at her not to continue she resumes where she left off. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The forest doesn’t make any sense either but I don’t remember why. There’s something ahead, where the path goes into the forest…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Her eyes are narrowed in concentration as she mutters words. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Forest and… a gate. Big gate and… beasts…\u00c2\u00a0 …\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Her face contorts in horror as the memories spill out of the black hole. Not being able to stop on the path and the beasts at the end. Especially the beasts at the gate.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He scowls a bit listening to the ferret’s vague descriptions.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: What she saw, what happened then finally comes to the forefront of her mind and she begins to shake as she remembers the terrible satisfaction etched on their faces. Jozra may have escaped this time but everything always ends at those gates. No escape from their righteous fury. No escape from the vengeance they’ll exact on her. No escape from the Badger. No escape.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He feels her shaking and he tries to soothe her. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It’s okay Sweetheart, you can stop thinking about it now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: But that’s just the thing: she can’t now. She sobs into his shoulder, clinging tightly to the otter.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He rubs her back, rocking her back and fourth. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shhh… It’s okay…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He nuzzles her cheek.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Jozra clenches her jaw in a futile attempt to stop her tears. What has she DONE?!<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He continues to nuzzle at her neck shoulder and cheek, whispering soft, comforting phrases in her ear.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: The wracking sobs turn to coughs as the ferret is seized by another attempt by her body to rid her lungs of fluid. After a moment the coughing stops but her tears do not as she sucks in deep gulps of air.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan continues to comfort her in this way. His voice stays soft, with no harshness to it at all.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: As distraught as ever, though too exhausted to sob as she had been, Jozra clings tightly to the otter, burying her face in his chest and whimpering quite pathetically. Poor girl.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He kisses her cheek softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shh… It’s okay… It’s all over.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: She murmurs something unintelligible into his fur. Was that a… nuzzle? The tears haven’t stopped but her breathing is a little bit calmer than it was a minute ago.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He returns her half-hearted nuzzle and plants the softest of kisses on the top of her head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It’s going to be alright… It’s okay.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Jozra sniffs, a little more subdued now. She lets the otter cuddle her for a while before asking huskily, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why did you ask?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He sighs a bit. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was just curious.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He rubs his cheek against hers with a slight rumble in his throat. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I didn’t know it would be like this for you. I’m sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He pulls back a bit.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: Still in need of comfort, scared and resigned to her fate as she is, the ferret scrambles to pull Soquan closer to her as he pulls back. It goes to show how despondent she is that she doesn’t even think that such an action might be taken as affection on her part, considering she still hasn’t resolved her feelings towards the otter.<\/p>\n

Arrin Woodgreen: He’s startled as the ferret scrambles towards him, but allows her to come close none the less. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00c2\u00a0 It’s okay, I promise.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He tilts her chin up, kissing her softly.<\/p>\n

Yazeth: No one is more surprised than Jozra when she returns the kiss. She blinks, startled, and then a rap comes at the door before she can say anything.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Chapter 52: Memory In Which\u00c2\u00a0Some Memories Are Best Repressed. \u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Yazeth: The soup takes some time to prepare, though there’s a big enough batch that it can be reheated as leftovers. The healer mouse gives one last stir to the pot and then ladles some into a bowl for the ferret. Walking over to the … <\/p>\n