Chapter 55: Isolation
In Which Jozra’s Subconscious Is Really Kind Of A Jerk.
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Yazeth: As the quiet sounds of beast sleeping slip through the night, Jozra briefly awakens somewhat troubled but she is far too tired to ponder why. She rolls over and swiftly falls back asleep, breathing a little easier but still with a bit of a rasp.
Were she not as exhausted, she might’ve awakened again as the troubled feeling returns but she does not. Jozra’s nightmares, though quite vivid, are usually disjointed. A muddle of images and snippets from memories she would rather forget. Tonight the flames do not rise up in her inner eye as they have before.
Tonight she simply recalls one beast, a young squirrel on the brink of adulthood. His eyes gleam in fear as he catches the movement of the ferret out of the corner of his eye and then drops dead with one of Jozra’s dark, double bladed throwing knives protruding from his throat.
The transition between memory and dreamscape is imperceptible. Dream-Jozra becomes aware of the squirrel again. There’s the version lying dead and the version that she saw grinning triumphantly at her, eyes narrowed cruelly, when she… When she…
Jozra bolts upright in bed, only to be overcome by a series of painful, wracking coughs.
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan sadly is not awaked by this and the otter continues to sleep soundly in the cot not too far away from her bed. His whiskers twitch and he shifts, his soft snoring stopping for a moment as he does so. No one else seems to wake up either and the sounds of beasts sleeping can be heard in the next room.
Yazeth: The coughing fit sputters to an end and Jozra leans back, wheezing and exhausted and very, very disturbed. The second she shuts her eyes, though, the face of the squirrel reappears. Again she eyes fly open as a thin whine escapes her muzzle. Where’s Soquan?
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan mutters something about ‘killer bed sheets’ and rolls over.
Yazeth: The ferret sighs in relief as she hears her companion nearby. She gingerly rolls onto her side and looks out into the dim room, looking and not looking at the same time. Eventually, her vision hazes again and she begins to doze.
Falling asleep seems to be Jozra’s Big Mistake of the evening. She begins to recall each and every villager that fell to one of her knives, each one that showed up at Dark Forest’s gates, in exquisite detail. Jozra becomes more and more troubled as the dreams progress until she awakens herself with her own sobs. Without even really thinking about it, she moves towards Soquan until she’s nearly standing woozily between her bed and Soquan’s cot, tears still streaming down her face.
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan sleeps on deeply, unaware of the female’s presence and sobbing. He mutters some more and is now sleeping on his back.
Yazeth: Jozra stumbles slightly and more or less falls into the cot next to Soquan. She wraps her arms tightly about herself and buries her head into his shoulder.
Arrin Woodgreen: He jerks awake as Jozra falls onto him and he blinks a little, just a bit confused as to what’s going on. His hears perk up as he hears sobbing and finally notices the ferret rather awkwardly pressed against him. He wraps his arms around her and immediately tries to calm her. “Easy, Sweetheart, it’s okay.â€
Yazeth: The ferret’s only answer is to cling tighter to the otter, her sobs now muffled in his fur. Though terrifying in their own right, what’s bothering her now is her conscience.
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan rubs her back and rocks her slightly, muttering the usual comforting phrases.
Yazeth: Nearly an hour passes like this before the ferret begins to drop off again, worn out by tears and illness. Deep, dreamless sleep thankfully claims her for a while, but not long enough.
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan breathes a sigh of relief as she begins to drop off and carefully lies back, bringing the ferret with him. He cuddles her close as he slowly drops off.
Yazeth: The ferret sighs in her sleep. As the dampness of the fur around her freshly re-dyed mask evaporates, her sub-consciousness begins to surface. For once her dreams take on a distinctly dream like quality: surreal yet entirely believable.
Jozra’s dream self crunches through the snow, forging the way through the drifts with paws tipped with her throwing daggers instead of claws. The snow reaches to the horizon and glitters coldly in the hazy light of this dream world. A pain shoots up her foot as she takes a step and the dream Jozra finds that she has stepped on her own long knife, or rather the twin to the long knife strapped to her hip.
She straps this second knife to her other hip, noting in the process that she is dressed in desert garb even in all of this snow. Dream-Jozra pivots in place looking back down the trail she has cut in the snow. The aspect shifts and though the trail remains the same, the snow becomes golden stalks of grass, bobbing gently in the non-existent breeze.
The ferret hurries down the path as the sound of a beast under attack reaches her ears. The grassland transitions very abruptly into forest but the ferret doesn’t take notice of this, nor the fact that she is now clad in a hooded cloak. Warily she approaches the sound of battle to see a tall, broad figure fall under the blows of several other beasts.
Instinctively, the dream ferret slaps out, sending little black blades spinning through the air, each one finding a mark. The aggressors drop to the forest floor and the beast that had been under attack stands, revealing himself to be Soquan, or at least a dream version.
Though still blind, the dream-Soquan can see the bodies littered around him. He gapes at them and then stares at the dream-Jozra in horror. “What have you done?!” Jozra looks again, surprised to find something other than Dromb and his cronies. Instead of the few thugs, the corpses have multiplied and have changed into the villagers from Ostoria.
The forest twists and darkens, heavy branches hang over the ferret’s head and stifle the air in the grove she is standing in. Ghosts of the villagers flicker through the trees harassing the ferret on the edge of her vision but the worst part is the dream-otter’s reaction. He backs away from Jozra in fear and horror. “How could you do such a thing?!” But the ferret has no words for her own defense and the ghosts crowd closer, jeeringly repeating the otter’s words.
She awakes yet again, shaking and ashamed.
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan shifts a bit, still asleep. He mutters something along the lines of ‘faster than the speed of ketchup’ and continues snoring softly.
Yazeth: Tears slowly track down the ferret’s face, rewetting her just dried mask. Slivers of moonlight filter through the curtains adding to the soft glow from the fireplace. In the near darkness, Jozra turns to face the otter and whispers almost soundlessly, “Would you hate me if you knew?â€
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan shifts again, cuddling her closer to himself as he sleeps onward.
Yazeth: Jozra shudders as she decides that he probably would. Who wouldn’t? Just the other Scorpions that were there, and they’re probably all dead. As the night starts to progress towards morning, Jozra finds herself feeling more and more hopeless.
Even in death she won’t be free of the guilt and shame. Especially not there, because They are waiting for her. The ferret sniffles and rolls away from Soquan, ashamed. The movement prompts another coughing attack and Jozra nearly falls out of the cot, which isn’t terribly difficult considering it wasn’t very big to begin with.
Arrin Woodgreen: He wakes at Jozra’s coughing and after a moment he moves to support her, patting her back gently as she coughs.
Yazeth: The coughing fit ends, leaving the ferret breathless for several minutes. She’s moved by Soquan’s support and feels even more dispirited by the idea that if he knew he would hate her. The dream-Soquan’s words echo in her head.
Arrin Woodgreen: He nuzzles her comfortingly. “Why don’t we move over to the bed? There’s more room that way.â€
Yazeth: Jozra hiccoughs and nods reluctantly. She attempts to stand but finds her knees to be too weak to carry her for some reason, not to mention the empty feeling in her chest.
Arrin Woodgreen: “C’mon.†He lifts her carefully and carries to the bed. He lays her down gently and crawls in after her, pulls up the covers. He slowly brings up a paw to caress her cheek, wiping away the residue left behind by the tears.
Yazeth: The otter’s tenderness only brings more tears and the ferret sighs brokenheartedly. She’s physically ill, her thoughts are desolate and she’s not entirely sure if she wants to move South, especially if the mission is anything like her last.
Arrin Woodgreen: He continues to wipe away her tears for a few moments then pulls her close, cuddling her against him. “It’s going to be okay, you’ll see. We’ll be well enough to continue South, and you’ll get to see your parents, don’t you worry.â€
Yazeth: Jozra chokes on a bitter laugh at the comment, dully hoping that the otter interpreted the sound as a sob. All she’s done is lie to the otter and still he believes her.
Arrin Woodgreen: He frowns slightly. “What’s wrong Jozra? Please tell me what’s wrong so I can try and make it better for you.â€
Yazeth: The ferret shakes her head and mutters. “Just bad dreams…†See? More lies.
Arrin Woodgreen: He cuddles her a bit longer and kisses her forehead affectionately. “Try and think of positive things when you’re drifting off, it might help.â€
Yazeth: Jozra sighs and nods weakly. “I’ll try.†Of course, it doesn’t help that she can’t really think of any positive thoughts at all. She is distracted for a while by the mental search for a truly happy memory though.
Arrin Woodgreen: He settles down in the bed and cuddles close as she thinks. He nuzzles her slightly and whispers quietly. “Try to get some rest, you really need it.†He sounds just as tired as the ferret.
Yazeth: The ferret nods again and settles back, hoping that she will finally get some undisturbed sleep, though she seriously doubts it. A few moments later her eyes pop open again and she smiles slightly. Of course, why didn’t she remember it earlier? The midsummer celebration where everything was going so right… She sighs again, once again homesick for the desert.
Arrin Woodgreen: Soquan give a yawn from his spot beside here and pecks her on the cheek before rolling over. “Sweet dreams, Jozra.â€
Yazeth: Sands, she hopes so…Â She drifts off to flames flickering at the edge of her awareness but this time it’s the cheerful bonfires that lit the midsummer celebration and not the raging fire that destroyed Ostoria.
